Leave Your Boat on The Beach by Anthony de Mello SJ

Loving people means being completely happy even without them, without fear of injury without a concern to impress, without dreading that they might not like you any more or abandon you. No matter what they say or do, you remain at peace. Don't fill your emptiness with people and call it love.

Love isn't attraction. "I love you more than I love anyone." Translation : I'm more attracted to you than to others. How's that? You attract me more than others. You fit better into my mind's program than other people. That's not very flattering for you, but if my program were different...I'm reminded of people who say, "What does he find in her? Or what does he see in her?" Attraction is blind!

Do you feel attracted by someone or something? When you give in to the attraction, gratification follows. And after gratification, weariness or anxiety: "I hope I can keep this up! I hope someone else doesn't move in!" Feelings of possession, jealousy, fear of loss. That's not love!

Love isn't dependence. It is very good to depend on people. If we didn't depend on one another, we wouldn't have society. Interdependence! We depend on the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, the pilot, the taxi driver, all kinds of people. But depending on one another in order to be happy, that's what's bad.

Sometimes, we see two empty people depending on one another, two incomplete persons propping each other up. Two dominos - one moves and the other falls down. Is that love? Love isn't easing our loneliness! People feel empty inside and rush to fill the emptiness with some one. That isn't love. In order to flee from emptiness and loneliness, people surrender to all kinds of activities, to work, or to someone's arms. But the cure for loneliness isn't contact with human begins ; it's contact with reality.

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In facing loneliness, we discover that it's not there. There isn't any vacuum! Here's something to remember - What we are looking for is inside us. When we face what's inside us, what we are fleeing disappears. And what we are seeking comes to the surface. Love isn't easing our loneliness. When people talk about love, they're usually talking about a good to be bargained over. "You're good to me? I'll be good to you! You're pleasant to me? I'll be pleasant to you! You're not kind to me? Funny, the pleasant feelings I had about you have turned bitter!" Is that love? That's the market for emotions disguised as attitudes of love.

Love isn't desire. Centuries ago Buddha said," The world is full of suffering. The origin of suffering, the root of suffering, is desire. Eliminating suffering consists of eliminating desire." By desire he meant that on whose satisfaction my happiness depends. And our society and culture are continually urging us to increase that desire. We are ever more programmed for unhappiness and lovelessness. The world is full of suffering. The root of suffering is desire.Eliminating suffering goes by way of eliminating desire.

Ambition is a brainwashing that has been done on us! We've been told that unless we have ambition, we won't do anything. The energy and delight in work have been forgotten. When an archer shoots for no particular reason, he applies all his skill. When he shoots to win the gold, he becomes blind, loses his reason, sees two targets. It's not his ability that has changed, but the prize. He is more concerned about winning than about shooting. And the need to win has hollowed out his power. Ambition has taken away his power.

The world is full of suffering, and the root of suffering is desire. Marriages built on desire are fragile, ready to come apart. "I have many expectation of you; you'd better not disappoint me." "You have expectations of me; I'd better fulfil them." Arguments! "You need me! I need you! I need to find my happiness in you! You need to find your happiness in me!" And so the fight begins. That's where the feeling of possession begins. Where that kind of desire exists, there's a threat. And where there's a threat, there's fear. And where there's fear, there's no love. For we always hate what we fear. And perfect love casts out fear! Wherever this kind of desire exists, it always comes accompanied by fear.

Love isn't desire; it's not fixation. Being impassioned is the exact opposite of love, but passion is canonized everywhere. It is an illness that everyone is trying to pass on to us.It can be heard in movies and in love songs. I saw a film where the girl says to the boy, "I love you, I can't live without you!" I can't love without you? Love? That's hunger! When I become impassioned over you, I stop seeing you! Wherever there's a powerful emotion, whether positive or negative, I can't see. Emotion gets in the way and makes me project my own needs on the other.

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We've been speaking thus far about what love is not, and we've come to the end of what can be said about what love is not. It can't be said. When you get rid of your fears, attachments, and illusions, you will know. We walk among illusions.

Love means, at the very least, clarity of perception and precision of response. Seeing the other clearly as he or she is. That is the least that I can ask of love. How can I love you if I don't see you? Usually when we look we don't see one another. We are looking for an image. Does a husband relate to his wife or to an image he has built of her? Does a wife relate to her husband or to an image she has formed of him?

I have an experience of you. This experience is saved in my memory. I make my judgement based on the experience. I carry it with me. I act or react on that basis, not on the basis of what you are now. I look at you through a picture.

When you look at me after a fight and say, "I'm very sorry about that argument," it would be wonderful if I no longer remembered anything. This is what the mystics are talking about when they speak of "purification of the memory" They are not saying forget everything, but empty out the emotion. Be healed of your pain!

You say, "Remember how much in love we were two years ago?" Do you want me to react to that or to you as you are now? When people think of love as investment, they have no idea what love is.

Love is like listening to a symphony, being sensitive to everything in that symphony. It means having a heart sensitive to everyone and to all. Can you imagine that a person would hear a symphony and listen only to the drums? Or value the drums so much that the other instruments would be almost eclipsed? Good musicians, those who love music, listen to each of the instruments; they might have their favourite instruments, but they listen to all of them.

When we are impassioned, when we have a feeling of attachment, an obsession, the object of our passion stands out and other persons are eclipsed.

Love is not a relationship. It is a state of being. Love existed before any human being. Before we existed, love already existed. I've said that when the eye is unobstructed the result is vision. We cannot do anything to get love. If we comprehended our duties, attachments, attractions, obsessions, predilections, inclinations, and if we got rid of them all, love would appear. When the eye is unobstructed, the result is vision. When the heart is unobstructed, the result is love.

Source : Walking on Water, Anthony de Mello. Abstract from chapter 11 - Leave Your Boat on the Beach. p86-90

Ophiuchus' Note : In recent days, having  witnessed scenarios of breakups in relationships and marriages on one end, and on the other spectrum, seeing lonely souls seeking love and marriage to make their lives complete.Then came across this chapter,and feels the message is clear, therefore sharing it here.

Wisdom from Anthony De Mello SJ

* CONTRADICTION :
"What action shall I perform to attain God?" "If you wish to attain God there are two things you must know. The first is that all efforts to attain him are of no avail."
"And the second?" "You must act as if you do not know the first." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel :The act of contemplation creates the thing contemplated.
- Isaac D'Israeli (1766-1848)

* DOCTRINE :
To a visitor who claimed he had no need to search the Truth because he found it in the beliefs of his religion, the Master said: "There was once a student who never became a mathematician because he blindly believed the answer he found at the back of his math textbook - and, ironically, the answers were correct." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you. - Khalil Gibran (1883-1931)

* EXPANSION :
The Master sat in rapt attention as the renowned economist explained his blueprint for development. "Should growth be the only consideration in an economic theory?" he asked. "Yes. All growth is good in itself." "Isn't that the thinking of the cancer cell?" said the Master. - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. - Ellen Glasgow

* GENIUS :
A writer arrive at the monastery to write a book about the Master. "People say you are a genius. Are you?" he asked. "You might say so," said the Master, none too modestly. "And what makes one a genius?" "The ability to recognise." "Recognise what?" "The butterfly in a caterpillar; the eagle in an egg; the saint in a selfish human being." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : Sincerity is a transparent diamond through which light of God shines in our lives.

* IGNORANCE :
The young disciple was such a prodigy that scholars from everywhere sought his advice and marvelled at his learning. When the governor was looking for an adviser, he came to the Master and said, "Tell me, is it true that the young man knows as much as they say he does?" "Truth to tell," said the Master wryly, "the fellow reads so much I don't see how he could ever find the time to know anything." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : The heart is wiser than the intellect. - Josiah Holland (1819-1881)

* INTERIORITY :
The disciple asked for a word of wisdom. Said the Master, "Go sit within your cell and your cell will teach you wisdom." "But I have no cell. I am no monk." "Of course you have a cell. Look within." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : Seek refuge in the attitude of detachment and you will amass the wealth of spiritual awareness. Those who are motivated only by desire for the fruits of action are miserable, for they are constantly anxious about the results of what they do. - Bhagavad Gita 2:49-50

* MANIPULATION :
The Master sat through the complaints a woman had against her husband. Finally he said, "Your marriage would be a happier one, my dear, if you were a better wife." "And how could I be that?" "By giving up your efforts to make him a better husband." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : You cannot raise a man up by calling him down. - William Boetcker

* SIN :
One of the disconcerting - and delightful - teachings of the Master was : "God is closer to sinners than to saints." This is how he explained it : "God in heaven holds each person by a string. When you sin, you cut the string. Then God ties it up again, making a knot and thereby bringing you a little closer to him. Again and again your sins cut the string and with each further knot God keeps drawing you closer and closer." - Anthony de Mello,SJ

Morsel : Guilt is a little prison that keeps you out of big ones. - Alan Harris

Source : Universal Mind, November 2009.





Linking only Part 1 and Part 18 here, the full series in 56 parts of Anthony De Mello's Awareness can be found on the awareness website below.

**Ophiuchus' Notes :
Anthony De Mello S.J. (1931-1987)

Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest and psychotherapist, was well known for his writings and spiritual conferences. Born on 4th September 1931, in Bombay, India, he travelled to many states and countries to study and pursue his career. De Mello showed the way of authentic living through his stories and lectures. His spiritual insight and thorough understanding of humanity was well reflected in his teachings. This depth of understanding fetched him world wide recognition. Anthony de Mello served as the director of Sadhana Institute of Pastoral Counselling in Poona, India, until his sudden demise on 2nd June 1987, in New York. He was also a member of the Jesuit province of Bombay.

He authored many books in his lifetime. The topics that he dealt with, in his books, included Christian spirituality, Buddhist parables, Hindu breathing exercises and psychological insight about life. Some of his most popular books include ‘Awareness’, ‘The Song of the Bird’, ‘Sadhana: A Way to God’, ‘Wellsprings’, ‘Walking on Water’, ‘The Way to Love’, ‘Contact with God’ and ‘Heart of the Enlightened’.

His Belief
The meditation techniques taught by De Mello were a combination of Eastern religious thought, modern psychology and the spiritual exercises of Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuit religious order. He strongly believed that most of the people are asleep. They need to be awakened and made to know what is inside and outside them. According to him, human beings should be well acquainted with their feelings, sensations, thoughts and, most importantly, their mind.

In 1998, some of his opinions were condemned by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who later became Pope Benedict XVI, wrote for the Congregation: 'But already in certain passages in [his] early works and to a greater degree in his later publications, one notices a progressive distancing from the essential contents of the Christian faith. ... With the present Notification, in order to protect the good of the Christian faithful, this Congregation declares that the above-mentioned positions are incompatible with the Catholic faith and can cause grave harm.'

After listening to his teachings on "Awareness", one can't help but begin to see the depth of his spiritual insight and thorough understanding of humanity which was well reflected in his teachings. And as such, with the Notification on (Jesuit) Father Anthony de Mello by the Catholic Church, one is reminded of another parallel - one of the Galileo Affair (sometime around 1610), where Galileo Galilei (1564-1642), the famous Italian physicist, mathematician, astronomer, and philosopher was condemned by the Catholic Church for his support of Copernican astronomy, which supports the heliocentric view, which placed the Sun at the centre of the universe, instead of the then belief of the church in the theory of geocentrism that the earth was the centre of the universe and that all heavenly bodies revolved around the Earth.

In 2000, Pope John Paul II issued a formal apology for all the mistakes committed by some Catholics in the last 2,000 years of the Catholic Church's history, including the trial of Galileo among others.

" Thanks to his intuition as a brilliant physicist and by relying on different arguments, Galileo, who practically invented the experimental method, understood why only the sun could function as the centre of the world, as it was then known, that is to say, as a planetary system. The error of the theologians of the time, when they maintained the centrality of the Earth, was to think that our understanding of the physical world's structure was, in some way, imposed by the literal sense of Sacred Scripture...."

– Pope John Paul II, L'Osservatore Romano N. 44 (1264) - November 4, 1992



For more info:
http://awareness.tk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_de_Mello
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galileo_affair